Five Ideas I’ve Scrapped
1. Giant model rocket Dan and I designed expressly to burn, though we never said that out loud during the planning stages.
2. My Autobiography—Thus far.
3. Treatise on how sideburn size is directionally proportional to ability to rock
4. Biography of Wesley Willis
5. Concept album of the end times where Texas is God’s Promised Land. Though, I only stopped that because I was beaten to the punch.

I was real excited about writing a preemptive review of the new Bright Eyes album. Y’know, stick it to a vocal George Bush critic by eviscerating his newest work “without credible information” for doing so. It’d be funny. And, I was sure I’d be at least 70% right. I wrote the review, for the most part, during my night class last semester, on the night that I first heard the two new Bright Eyes singles had hit #1 on the billboard charts in a single week (they did—though, only the single sales chart, not the Hot #100, which factors in radio play, and is the list most people think of since few people give a shit about releasing singles in America).

The problem with the preemptive review was that it had two main parts: Me saying, repeatedly “I don’t care when bands I like a lot get famous, but generally it’s funny the way the rest of the world reacts to them.” For examples, I pointed out the Cheerleader who picked up the third Ben Folds Five album from my desk in High School and said “Ben Folds Five—they sing that abortion song, don’t they?” and the kid who, at my cousin Ruth’s graduation said “To give our graduates hope in the coming years, I’d like to quote Jimmy Eatworld, and their song ‘The Middle.’ “Just do your best/ Yeah/ Do everything you can.” The real kicker there was the way he said “eatworld” like it was a last name, and the fact that he paused dramatically, looked out at the crowd and said, “yeah” as though he agreed with the lyric and was just coming to that realization now. All completely without irony.

The second half of the review was just me saying why I thought Bright Eyes albums were good, and why the last album was a disappointment. And how I saw the negative things becoming a potential snowball of bad taste on the new records. But, of course, I was going to couch all of my observations in a fake and really snarky review of the new records. I don’t want to do that anymore, I just want to tell you exactly what sucks about the last Bright Eyes album, and what could go wrong on the two new ones. I’ll post it over the course of a few days, as not to drag you all down too hard. So, that’s all I’ve got for today: a promise for a wordier tomorrow.

The Great Blog Drought of 2005 Ends
I’ve been thinking about changing the blog, and moving the music-related posts to their own blog. But then, this blog might get even sparser. Though, I know that so far that’s not exactly possible. So, first, here I am to give you a general life update. Step into my office.

So, here I am. A college graduate. An unemployed grammarian. Now I’m just a regular guy who likes Donne and Blake and could possibly be doomed to be the creepy sort-of old guy at Barne’s and Noble or Borders just sort of sitting in that comfy chair by the poetry, insisting as someone passes with a book of Shakespeare that Ben Jonson could’ve been Shakespeare, if there were no Shakespeare. And if Ben Jonson would’ve written more plays.

I should be doing things. I made a list, a grand list of things to do: get a job, continue to work out, write a whole bunch every day, read Paradise Lost now that it has very little practical value. There are more, but the point is I’m failing like a mother at all of these things. But I am here. And I am writing some. How about this…I’ll do more of the things I wish I was doing, and then I’ll tell you as I do them. Sound like a deal? Can you have a silent accountability partner?

Another thing I have been doing is that I’ve bought more recording equipment in the last week than I did in the previous year. I also wrote a new song, tentatively titled “Peter Frampton Talkbox.” So, in theory, a follow-up to my original demo CD, Unmarked, (which had a stellar run of about five copies, since it was just made to give to the owners of places I played) could be on the way. Ooh, that reminds me. Almost forgot.

Top Five New Titles for a New Demo
1. Guilford Skyline
2. Mechanical Bull Night
3. Supposing I Dreamed This
4. Fables of the Deconstruction
5. Jesus Avenues

I’d tell you where they came from, but instead how about a scavenger hunt: figure them out. They’re a healthy mix of clever references and stupid jokes—probably my two favorite things in the world. You don’t have to tell me where the jokes come from, you can just explain the why they’re [supposed to be] funny. First person to do it and shoot me an e-mail with the answers gets ten bucks, no lie. Now that I’m looking at them, though, Supposing I Dreamed this looks a little outdated. I first thought that one up when I was 17, and it shows.

Today, I’m listening to three things in order: (What’s the Story) Morning Glory, the new (but not newly released) Hem album, and if I’m done with my review by then, the new Bright Eyes album(s). But probably just the non-dance oriented Bright Eyes album. In the next half hour or so, I’ll be reviewing the new Bright Eyes albums without hearing them. It’ll be very David Blaine meets David Wain. Actually, I’d really like to see David Blaine meet David Wain.