Observational Humor

There’s a new commercial for this bar in Rockford called The Irish Rose. It’s your average locally-produced bar commercial, highlighting some specials and showing happy patrons getting their booze on. This one, though, is different. It has a special big-league trick that gives its production value something in common with the last season of “Friends,” last year’s World Series, and countless other swanky, expensive promos: the background music is “Clocks” by Coldplay. Never mind the fact that there’s no way they payed the licensing fees for that song, I’ve been tired of people using that song for everything for a while, and I don’t know whether this means it’ll never go away, or that since its reached Rockford on a local level, it’s got to be dead. Probably the latter.

I’ve been pretty fed up with Coldplay for a while. In 2002, they put out their last album, A Rush of Blood to the Head, which was above average, but not exceptional. Since then, what they’ve done amounts to, IMO, a hill of beans. Let’s make a list.

1. Some EPs with b-sides. Again, unremarkable output here.
2.Started nailing Gwenyth Paltrow. Yup, that’s right, I think all of them did. Rumor has it their drummer screws like a Champion. (Sorry, I love puns). I know that a child doesn’t count as creative output per se, but I had to beef up the list.
3.Put out a live album with two unreleased tracks. Surely an odd decision for a band with only two studio albums, but okay.

Now let’s compare that to the list of the rewards (in no particular order):

-The band was named Spin Magazine’s band of the year* after a year in which they didn’t really do anything except get played on the radio.
-They won a bunch of Grammys in 2003. I can’t figure out if that means the record industry was a year late in giving them out. That’d be funny.
-“Clocks” becomes a ubiquitous presence on TV. I'm not sure if that's even remotely responsible for the people who I've seen become part of the waves of new coldplay fans in the last year. I don't mind the extra fans, but to me it's just sad that they presumably came in the wake of a less-than-stellar album.

Never mind that, even. To me, it’s a little crazy that they keep on racking up praise and new fans, despite not even playing a show in the last year and a half. It’s just…I don’t know, odd. But not as odd as this news story from Pitchfork last week. Here’s the part I’m really keen on, the part that inspired this post. "There are songs that kind of pick up where 'Clocks' left off, but also ones that have moved on a bit." Wow. So, I guess we’re in for a real treat. Keep your eye on that one.

*I’ve said it since I was fourteen and super-impressionable: Spin sucks. But since they’re one of the biggest music magazines in the country, their opinion counts for something anyway

Chapter Two: The Postal Service is the new Coldplay

Also headed down this road is, apparently, the postal service. Let’s stack up the facts on that one:
1. They haven’t done anything in a long time, except release a single and get sued by the actual postal service, and yet everyone is freaking out about them.
2. I can’t turn around without hearing “Such Great Heights” or other snippets of their record, Give Up (which, while I’m talking about it is actually fantastic). They’re in movies, they’re all over TV promos and in between scenes of MTV shows. They’ve even been either in the little visor CD holder of the last three girls’ cars I’ve been in. Last time I was in Borders, I heard their so-bad-it’s-almost-funny cover of a Genesis song.

3. Their only new output since 2003 is a new single, “We Will Beocme Silohouttes,” which continues to milk their ever-growing fanbase. Five bucks for a bad b-side and some terrible--maybe even worthless remixes. It’s just getting to the point where it’s offensive.

It’s not as bad as the Coldplay situation yet. And, maybe I can never really compare the two since TPS is a side-project. But it's also the second-best selling album in Sub Pop's catalogue (second banana to Nirvana's "Bleach.") but go ahead and watch out for them to continue to not release a new album for a year. Or maybe to put out a live album, which would be worse. Or, maybe, to tell an interviewer that their next album picks up where “Such Great Heights” leaves off, which would be worst.

Good bands should go back to being good again.

The sun came out this morning I was wide awake
and I made way down to the kitchen and I cut myself
a piece of your birthday cake
raspberry filling in the middle
I thought about you a little.
There was a time when you wanted me so bad
it was eating you up inside
this time has gone away.

I poured myself a tall glass of milk.
It was deep and cold.
I checked my driver's license,
Now we were both 22 years old
and there was a time when you wanted me so bad
it was eating you up inside.
This time has gone away.

You ever wake up with a song just in your head already? Yeah, me too. Got up early today and this little unreleased Mountain Goats song was just…in there. So, Happy March 7, 2005. I’m sure it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.